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Preface
Unequally Yoked
A Godly Wife
Hope From God's Word
Common Misconceptions
What About Our Children?
Divorce
Words of Advice For the Unmarried Woman
Questions & Answers
Starting A Ministry
Links and Other Resources
Statement of Faith
About Me
Thanks!
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In the Bible 1 Corinthians 7:16 says:
"How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? And how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (NIV)
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"I can save him."
I've found that this is the most common misconception of all among unequally yoked wives, so I'll start here.
We are saved through the power of the Holy Spirit working on our hearts. If we could "save" those we love, everyone in the world would be a believer, but as humans we simply don't have that power. The first thing you must realize as an unequally yoked wife is that you cannot talk, threaten, nag, trick, or cry your husband into salvation. It's a relationship that he must freely choose to have with Jesus Christ, and you already know that God wants that for him. I won't get into the theology of God choosing us versus us choosing God, but I hope you understand what I'm driving at here. A wife cannot make her husband believe! The sooner you stop trying to do this, the better for both you and your husband. |
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"All my friends at church have perfect husbands."
Big mistake! Don't ever compare your husband to other men, especially those at church, or you'll be truly miserable and setting yourself up for some very harmful emotional situations. It's easy to idealize men you don't have to live with especially if your own husband doesn't seem to be matching up, but all men (and women) have their faults and foibles. No one is perfect except Christ Jesus.
I have two pieces of advice here: One - Never make a man your confidante. Aside from conferring with your pastor, as a Christian woman you should confide in one or two trusted Christian sisters only. There are many reasons for this but I'll only mention the obvious here. If you're feeling your husband isn't meeting your needs, unburdening yourself to a well-meaning and sympathetic male friend sets up an atmosphere of false intimacy that can lead to adulterous thoughts or actions. Two - Don't make it a habit to complain about what you perceive to be your husband's "negative" qualities. Dwelling on and talking about your husband's short-comings only re-enforces those thoughts in your mind as well as making him look bad to others, and you don't want to do that to someone you love. |
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"He's not stupid! He should be able to see that this is a better way to live!"
Now that we've established that no one is perfect, it's safe to say that even God-fearing men have their struggles! Realizing this you need to accept that an unspiritual man is going to have many of the same struggles plus a few that stem from having a worldly perspective on all things. He won't make decisions in the same way that a Christian man would by consulting God through prayer or the Word because (as far as he's concerned) he doesn't have an all-powerful God to rely on! Therefore many situations that Christians would automatically turn over to the Lord are going to seem like insurmountable problems to him. This is how the worldly person lives; relying on their own strength and understanding for everything. About all we can do is pray or gently offer advice being careful to avoid phrases like, "If only you'd give this problem to God, then..." or "When it comes to this kind of thing, the Bible says..." |
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"Well, God can convert him in no time!"
Don't even go there! You'll only be disappointed. God's time is not our time and His ways are not our ways. (I can personally attest to this!) Take each day as it comes, pray for your husband's salvation, and realize that even if he converts tomorrow you may not see much of a change in his habits or outlook. |
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"I'm the only one suffering."
Not true! It can be just as miserable for your husband to live with you knowing he often lets you down or displeases you with his "worldly" ways; and feeling shut out of an important area of your life while feeling imposed upon by a lifestyle he doesn't believe in. As his wife you must take great care not to present yourself as a "holier-than-thou" martyr. |