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Ministering to unequally yoked women in your church.
Once I was aware that I was "unequally yoked", I began looking for any information I could find about what that meant. As I learned more and found the hope and encouragement I needed to get the most out of my marriage, I also started meeting more women in my church who were in the same boat! It was at that time that the Holy Spirit impressed upon me the need for a ministry at my church. I've never felt so compelled to do anything in my life. I've no doubt that my pastor thought I was being a bit pesky as I insisted again and again that we start up a Bible study for unequally yoked women, but I could hardly help myself. And isn't that how God works through us? We end up doing things we never thought we'd be doing, and doing them well. It didn't take long for me to get the necessary resources together and start the class.
If the Holy Spirit is moving you to lead an unequally yoked ministry at your church, here are a few suggestions on how to get it started. Please remember that these are just some generic guidelines that worked for my church. You'll want to "customize" whatever you do to meet the needs of the ladies in your church. |
The Nuts and Bolts of an Unequally Yoked Ministry
- Get prepared! Find a good study or book on the subject of being unequally yoked, one that helped you, and read it again before teaching it. I've listed three good books that I know of on my "Links and Other Resources" page.
- Make sure you and your pastor get the word out about the class well in advance of starting it, up to two months in advance, and keep announcing it. Some women are going to need time to pray about whether they want to attend or not. Some may even need to obtain the "permission" of their husbands. At any rate, you want to have good advertising to get the best turn out.
- You might want to create a title for your class that does not include the word "unsaved" which can sound very condemning and might put some people off. And assuming that a woman's husband might ask her what Bible study she's involved in, you'll want to have a class name that doesn't make him feel like a loser. My pastor and I came up with "Bible Study for Wives with Unchurched Spouses". We figured that the word unchurched would cover any man who hasn't stepped into a church for awhile and couldn't be easily misunderstood as an attack upon his character.
- The class should be for women only and led by a woman. You don't have to be a great speaker or an experienced group leader to lead this class; the Holy Spirit will guide you, but a man should not teach this class. There are several reasons for this, but the obvious one is crucial. Unequally yoked women are often very discontented with their husbands and putting a Christian brother in charge of the group might set a precedent for unhealthy comparisons and possibly lead to improper thoughts and actions.
- Limit the class to a pre-set time frame. My class was 12 weeks long. Although this is a support group, it shouldn't just go on forever, otherwise it tends to fall into a gripe session about husbands and ceases to edify the group as a whole. Also, I know that as an unequally yoked woman I often felt separated from the congregation as a whole. I was burdening myself with the label "unequally yoked" and somehow saw myself as less than worthy to be a part of the congregation. By the time your ladies leave the Bible study, they shouldn't be feeling like they're a special case any longer, but join the congregation as a yet another Christian sister who is a worthy member of Christ's family ready to do His work.
- Keep the focus of the group discussion off of the unsaved husbands and their behavior and on the ladies and their role as God pleasing wives. Again, if you don't, you'll just end up with a very un-edifying gripe session.
- After about six weeks set aside one class session and have your pastor come in and answer any theological or doctrinal questions that may have come up. There are some tough questions about salvation and such that are best answered by the shepherd of your flock.
- Stay in touch with the ladies in your group after the class has concluded. Though most will be ready to leave the class, some won't and they'll still need the support of a Christian sister who understands what their particular trials are.
God bless you as you start this loving ministry!
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